Curious Dib
by mistytales1303
Summary: After several years, Dib's questions have finally started getting answered by the annoyed Zim. ZADF Zim and Dib Friendship kinda sort of only a short story for now. Not sure if it'll ever be considered "complete"
1. Part 1: Appearence

OKAY! So I've hit a block with my fanfics; but inspiration for some kind of Zim and Dib Friendship type deal hit me, so here's part one. Part two (if I can make it long enough) I think will lean more toward the biological.  
Enjoy this, though! I like thinking about aliens and all the information about them physically and traditionally. With a few alien OCs of my own, it's not surprise xD haha. Enjoy this! Wow, it's kinda long xDD

~(*)~

Curious Dib: part 1

Three years. That's how long it had been since Zim had practically stopped trying to conquer the Earth. They may not have been friends, per say, but more like tolerated acquaintances if anything else. Sure, he still tried every now and then, but they both knew that without the Irken Armada, Zim wouldn't be able to keep control of the Earth anyway.

Several times Zim had pondered leaving and finding a quiet place to live out the rest of his days; traveling from time to time. But all the Irken supplies automatically sent to him were sent to his base. He was stuck here. To him, Earth had become another exile; perhaps one more suited for him according to his Tallest. He didn't mind most of the time. He had grown quite accustomed to the Earth's wilderness. The smell appealed to him. Often, he wondered what the nonexistent forests on Irk had been like. Just as he had told Dib once upon a time:

"You have plants on your planet?" Dib had asked.

"What kind of a stupid question is that?"

"I mean, what kind of plants do you have?" Dib asked again; ignoring the insult.

"None. Irk was converted to all metal and buildings a long time ago. Before my time," Zim had answered.

After the few years that passed; Zim came to the conclusion that the Dib-stink's curiosity had grown too great to hold back anymore. He had begun asking as many questions as possible between fights that came ever more infrequently.

The last real fight was over a year ago. The last "scuttle" was just a few months prior about their height. Dib had had a growth-spurt, and therefore physical bullying had gone down. Not that it stopped the verbal abuse. But any physical harm at all came from the very few physical fights the two had. Zim had gotten angry with Dib bragging about his own height difference while Zim had grown barely over a foot. Gravitational difference had been the major, if not only, factor. Zim had give Dib a black eye and several bruises; while he himself had gone away with nothing but detention.

Finally Zim broke down. He was sitting in a tree, his leg hanging off the branch lazily when Dib found him. "Hey Zim!" Zim groaned and looked down at the human. "I got a question!"

"You always have a question, Dib-stink!" Zim shouted back down. It was very nearly one in the morning. Zim had used his voot runner to go out into the forest and enjoy the night air without worry of his disguise; which he had off. And had been hoping to get away from the questioning Dib for at least a while. Now it had backfired. "Answer one of mine. How did you find me?"

"I was looking at the sky when I saw you fly for the trees," he answered immediately. "Now my turn!"

"Oh, Irk," Zim groaned, sitting straighter in the branch.

"Can I join you?"

Zim looked down at him in surprise. Not a question about Irkens or Zim himself for once? Zim sighed and considered it for a moment. He figured it couldn't hurt anything anymore and extended a mechanical leg. Before Dib could grab onto it, the leg's pointed ends grabbed under his shirt collar and hoisted him up onto the branch. "Whoa! Haha, cool!"

Zim hid the smile and sat Dib down across from him. As he steadied himself Zim started picking at the hem of his gloves. Dib studied the three fingers hidden by the leather-like material. Zim eyed him and could just feel the question forming in his mouth. "What?"

"Can I see your claws?" Dib asked. Zim's antennae perked, the equivalent of a raised eyebrow. He pulled off his gloves and held out his hands, letting Dib examine them. He dozed out for a while until he felt a tug on his wrist. Dib was turning his hand over in his own and moving the fingers this way and that.

"Interesting.." he mumbled. Zim's eye twitched a bit as Dib continued to move the claws and test the sharpness.

"Dib." Dib ignored the call of his name and picked at one of the claws. Zim gave a tug and Dib let his hand go. "If it were not for these gloves you'd have many more scars."

"Really?" Dib asked skeptically. Zim narrowed his eyes and ran his hand along the tree, easily scrapping deep cuts into the bark. "OH."

"Yes," Zim said simply, replacing his gloves.

"What about your pak? That's what you call it, right?" Dib asked.

"Yes. It is what keeps me alive-"

"Alive? It's your life system, or something like that? Were you born with it? Did you have to have it put on? I noticed a lot of Irkens have it, even your leaders. Does it hurt to lean against the tree with it protruding like tha-"

"Stop!" Zim shouted, covering his antennae, which had flattened against his skull. "Your babbling is irritating the great Zim!"

"Sorry."

Zim sighed. "YES. It is what is keeping me alive. If removed I die in ten minutes of your Earth time. We are not born with them. They are attached after we leave the tube. Metal chords, or cabels as they more accurately are defined by your dictionary, are attached to our spine to keep them anchored."

Zim enjoyed the disgusted face Dib gave before continuing. "It holds memory, countless amounts of information that it automatically records, it holds my personality, tools, and my extra limbs."

"EXTRA limbs? What extra limbs?"

"The spider-like legs I use to climb and such things,' Zim explained.

"Those aren't organic, though!"

"They are still considered limbs."

"Okay, what about your antennae?"

"Expression, hearing, gender-"

"You tell whether an Irken is female or male by the antennae? How?"

"Stop interrupting me," Zim stated. Dib nodded an agreeing and waited for Zim's response.

"A female's are more... decorative than a males. But most females also have purple eyes, not crimson."

Dib's curiosity soared, despite finally being answered. The feeling of finally nowing more about Irkens other than weaknesses was an amazing feeling. He racked his brain for another quiestion he had always wanted to ask. "How about your feet?"

"What?" Zim gave Dib a strange look to accompany the odd question. "What about Zim's feet?"

"You have toes? Are they clawed, too?"

"...You're very odd, Dib-stink," Zim said, starting to remove his boot. Dib again ignored the insult turned nickname and looked at the foot. There wasn't much room in the small boots, so it made sense that there weren't very many toes if any at all. Two on each foot.

"Cool," Dib said, looking at them. Before he could grab the foot as well, Zim replaced his boot.

"Anything else?" he asked. Dib tilted his head.

"Hmm... Nope. Not yet. Maybe tomorrow, when I think of more," Dib said. "Can you let me down? We're pretty far up."

Zim's mechanical leg hoisted Dib up and back to the forest floor. As he ran off toward the city. Zim waited for several more minutes before climbing back down himself. He removed his gloves and began to climb down, using the mechanical legs for extra support to keep from falling.


	2. PART 2: Biology 1 :for the 4TH upload:

**Most of the information I gathered on Irken biology I got from here: (well, add michelle8936 and . deviantart and a . com with no spaces to this and should get it) #/d4wz67m Now, credits to the people he also got some of his info on are in his own comments. :D Sorry to leave it like this, but I'm writing the next one now, and it was already over 2,000 words xD ENJOY! (sorry for uploading it FOUR times, kept finding mistakes, GUH)**

Dib had kept his promise, regrettably, and knocked on Zim's door the next day. He had been sitting comfortably on the couch, the relaxed feeling from the night before spoiled slightly by Dib's "interrogation" session. Zim was kicking his feet when the knock came. The computer's voice droned over the room. "It's Dib.."

"Dib-stink?" Zim had asked, and jumped off the couch.

Dib was swaying, bored, on his feet as he waited for Zim to open the door. When he did Zim was hiding behind the wood, his disguise already taken off for the day. Dib walked in and turned to see Zim close the door behind him.

"What do you want, Dib-stink?" Zim asked. Ignoring the insults yet again Dib sat on the couch, seeing Gir sitting in the kitchen looking at the wall on the table.

"What's wrong with Gir?" he asked.

"He's turned off. Usually I talk with him for a while, but his screaming was too annoying the other day; and I have yet to turn him back on again," Zim said, hoping to answer any other Gir related questions that had formed before they could be ask. He had been expecting Dib at some point, but immediate questioning after just the night before was a bit much and he didn't know if Dib's new interrogation would lessen his impatience, or heighten it.

"Oh. Understandable, I guess. So, I just had more questions, and-"

"It's obvious you have more questions; you haven't given up in asking them for QUITE a while," Zim stressed. He shot Dib a look that said he should cut to the chase and avoid any unneeded questions. "What do you want to know now?"

"Well... biological things," Dib said. "For instan-"

"What do you mean exactly by... biological," Zim asked. He stressed the final word; his posture clearly showing he wasn't pleased by the term. His antennae fell flat against the top of his skull and his eyes narrowed dangerously. Dib stopped himself from gulping and held eye contact, refusing to back down.

"Just tell me if I'm getting too... personal. I don't know anything about Irken biology. You can even ask me questions if you want!" Dib hastily added; trying to avoid another death glare. If looks had ever killed Zim's glares would've committed multiple murders by now.

"...Fine," Zim spat. He sat down on the couch reluctantly. They each sat on opposite sides of the sofa. Dib squirmed uncomfortably in the silence. Not even the television was turned on. A bird chirped and Dib turned to Zim.

"So! Um... I dunno... I guess my first question would be... since I haven't seen under your uniform in any way..." Zim gave him a look and Dib looked in front of him hurriedly. "Uh! M-my question was... do you have any.. I dunno, any kind of natural armor?"

"... You have very odd questions, Dib-stink," Zim commented. As Dib turned to give a retort, Zim continued. "No, we Irkens don't have any natural armor. I assume your reference would be an... arm.. arma..."

"Armadillo."

"Yes, armadillo. The armored ball that is an animal. Irkens have no need for any sort of armor. Our paks and weaponry are all we need."

"So you're just skin? Like a human?"

"I am not human," Zim stated.

"I know. But, you're all skin like one."

"..Yes, I am."

"What are your antennae for?" Dib asked. He reached over to touch one, and Zim hissed, smacking his hand away.

"NEVER touch them," he ordered. Dib quickly sat back, his hands under his legs.

"Sorry! Sorry! But, what are they for?" he asked again.

"Hearing, expression… I told you all this already!" Zim shouted. "Don't ask a question I have already answered!"

"Then what do they feel like?" Dib asked. He considered reaching for them again, but stopped suddenly when he saw Zim's antennae flatten against his skull. "What's that mean?"

"It means I'm close to mutilating you," Zim answered. Dib pursed his lips. "..Anger. Irritation. Annoyance. Any negative feelings are expressed when they are flattened. This includes sadness."

Dib nodded, knowing Zim had only gone into a further explanation to keep him from asking more questions than necessary. He waited as Zim continued.

"When they're perked up," he said, giving the motion. "… it means that I'm happy. Or that I'm listening to something, or searching for a sound."

"When they twitch? I've seen them twitch before. Sometimes a little, and sometimes a lot, but I've always wondered wh-"

"Curiosity!" Zim shouted, purposefully cutting Dib off from his rambling. Dib heard a small growl from Zim and his antennae flatten again. "They also do that when I'm relaxed and they pick up sounds. Irkens have superior hearing compared to a hyuumans, and therefore they twitch a lot due to the constant noises on this dirt ball."

"Anything else?"

"Why don't I just give you all the information I know so you'll stop asking?" Zim asked. Before Dib could answer with an obvious yes, Zim continued. "Antennae are very good indicators of any Irken's present mood. When at almost forty-five degrees in an angle, it means that an Irken is calm and relaxed; this is usually the default position you see them in. If they're raised higher, the Irken is alert. And if they are lower, it means an Irken is wary about something. There are actually three different positions for anger – the lowered, the flattened and the forward. The lowered position shows only slight annoyance, while the antennae being flattened against my skull indicates I am angered, particularly if they are twitching. The vital difference between this position and that of the antennae facing completely forward, is that during the latter the Irken is very angry, and will likely kill whatever is angering them. They also give off pheromones, but humans cannot smell them, of course."

"Why can't I touch them?"

"Irkens are not allowed to touch each other's antennae, so what makes you, Dib-stink think that Zim would let you?"

"It's not like they'd hurt for me touch, would they?"

"…They… they are very sensitive. So yes, it would hurt very much if you pulled one. Some enemies of the Irken Empire have discovered this, and used it as a torturing method before. But we also use them for balance. And In case you are wondering, while a males are pointed or kinked at the end, like mine; a females are most often curled," Zim said. He stood up and walked to the kitchen. Dib followed, sitting at the table. "I left to get away from you."

"So, are there any other sensitive regions? I mean, with humans our stomachs are pretty... sensitive to pain and feeling."

"According to your biology textbooks they are also the housing of most of your organs."

"Right. How many organs do Irkens have? And you didn't answer my last question."

"I am aware," Zim said irritatedly. He shifted his weight. "I am not answering the first quest-"

"You have to!"

"No I do not! Your constant questioning annoys me anyway!"

"Fine! Then just answer the second."

"We have three main organs that are organic. The PAK is considered an inorganic fourth organ. It was organic at one point, I believe," Zim said.

"Really?" Dib shouted. Zim gave him a glare and he shut his mouth.

"YES. Anyway, the three organic organs are our heart, brain, and squeedilyspooch. The PAK is sort of a second brain that helps operate the body, therefore also being our life support. The PAK will grow with the Irken as they get taller. But since height is a form of status in Irken life, most of us are soldiers or have a more civilian status. It's rare that we grow as tall as our Leaders; hence their name the Tallest."

"Cool," Zim heard Dib mumble from behind. He ignored it with nothing more than a smirk and continued.

"Because Irk is all metal, buildings, training centers, and snack bars we have a thick ozone layer that eventually made our skin pale. I'm not sure if the layer is natural or not anymore. The skin of Irkens is green mostly because of the high… what's the human term.. copper content, I believe it is, in our blood. The oxygen we breath makes it so our skin appears green since the veins are close to the surface. Our blood also contains a natural anti-freezing chemical that allows us to live on our planet, which is very cold. Again, thanks to the ozone layer blocking out the Sun most of the time, I imagine."

"You know, you resemble lizards, but you don't feel like one. You feel more like leather."

"..And?"

"Uh… I don't know. Um.. so did Irkens always have PAKs?"

"I believe so. It used to be organic, and even had the legs as well. But we Irkens changed it into a metal machine over time because it was harder to damage that way; and eventually became more efficient that way. But we have yet to discover a way to keep from dying when it is removed. I am not going into detail about THAT," Zim said when he saw Dib's mouth open in question. "There is more on the PAK. It is only compatible with Irken biology. If attached to another creature, it will destroy them in just as long as it takes for the Irken to die. So stealing one is highly idiotic. They also record our status in the Irken society. Or can be upgraded to place an Irken in a different ranking or position. The PAK also houses four mechanical spider-like limbs that can be used as laser cutters and shield generators, an audio and video communicator, an ID and monetary transfer plug, an anti-gravity device, a jetpack, an atmospheric processor, personality, charging cell and an auto-reset. They're very useful. Although, before modern PAK technology an Irken would only live about 150 Earth years, or about 15 years on Irk. With the new PAK, we live much, much longer. Irkens can live for several millennia now. And they give no need for food. But on the occasion that an Irken does decided to ingest something, no waste is created because the PAK uses every food molecule to power itself."

"Why haven't we come up with something like this?" Dib blurted out. "Man, we're dumb!"

Zim smirked again as Dib banged his head on the table. "Earth-pigs are far younger than the Irken race."

"That's hardly an excuse," Dib mumbled.

"Zim is surprised you are not writing this down," Zim said. Dib sat up again.

"Don't need to. I'm recording it," he said, holding up the device. Zim eyed it warily. He felt no immediate danger, as no one believed Dib to begin with, so audio recording could easily be put off as faked.

"..Whatever," he said. Dib raised an eyebrow at the proper use of the slang term.

"What about the other organic organs?" Dib asked, setting the recorder on the table. Zim sat across from him, feeling as if he was being interviewed now instead of just being asked questions by Dib.

".."

"Your eyes? How do they work?" Dib asked.

"First, they come in many other colors than the red and purples you've seen from me, Tak, and the Tallest. They are much more superior to a human, in the way that they allow me to see in the night almost as if it was daylight. And our form of sight and the spectrum in which we see is also superior. The natural Irken eye can see light within the electromagnetic spectrum as well as your own field of sight, which I also learned from your biology textbooks, therefore giving everything we look at a light colored sheen. However, Irkens are unable to focus on one object because we lack what you call pupils, but have a great panoramic view; the relative size of our eyes only increase the field of sight to a total of 180 degrees on the horizontal plane. This allows us to not only have a much greater field of view in battle, but also allows us to see the heat signatures given off by the enemy because of genetic enhancements over time," Zim stated. "We can also use them to breathe, using tissue similar to a human lung. But, as I experienced once while I was here because of the Planet Jackers, I learned they can also pop out if hit hard enough. Luckily there was no permanent damage."

"How come you're so much faster and more flexible than a human? Do your claws and foot talons help with that at all?"

"Our claws and talons do help with speed and climbing. We are agile even on rough surfaces thanks to the talons acting as spikes when we run bare-foot. The claws and talons can move independently, and our claws can secret a deadly toxin that can even erode thin metals," Zim said. He enjoyed the face Dib made and added to the information. "Irkens are immune to the toxin of another Irkens claws, of course."

"WOW! This is amazing!" Dib exclaimed. "Okay, tell me about your real brain! The organic one!"

"Later. Zim must go down to his lab," Zim said. Dib was about to object when Zim turned back to him. "Join me if you really intend to ask me more. But no questions on the way down, I wish my vocal chords to rest."


	3. Part 22: Biology round 2

**Most of the information I gathered on Irken biology I got from here: ****michelle8936 with a . deviantart and . com and you should get it with this on the end) /#/d4wz67m**** And, credits to the people he also got some of his info on are in his own comments. :D WELL, sorry for posting the last chapter about FIVE times. Kept getting the credit link wrong…. WELL, here's part 2 of… well, part 2, heheh.**

Dib was silent as he rode down to Zim's labs in the tube. It had been modified recently and easily fit the two of them with plenty of room to spare. When the elevator finally stopped Dib let Zim out first and followed him to a large computer room, all the while taking in the part of his lab he hadn't seen before. "WHOA!"

"Dib," Zim stated. Dib ran in after Zim, the doors automatically closing behind them. "You asked about the other three organs."

"Yeah, I did," Dib stated. "Tell me about your brain."

Zim sat in one of the chairs and Dib copied him. "The Irken brain, like the brains of many other animals and even a human, is located in the skull. It may be comparable to the brain of a hyuuman in complexity and function; but Zim assures it is still superior! It carries out the voluntary and non-voluntary functions like any brain would, but an Irken can live and function without our organic brain because the PAK is essentially our back up since it records everything and can also perform the same functions. Thanks to our nervous system, we can feel pain, cold, and heat like a human. But we can endure the cold better because of our planet."

"What about your.. what did you call it?"

"Squeedilyspooch. It is seen as one organ, but is sectioned off into various compartments that perform the jobs separate organs are responsible for in humans and animals. This means it is responsible as a whole for respiration, digestion, hormone distribution and circulation; those are the basics. We Irkens eat only junk food, so anything with a lot of sugar or anything that is considered unhealthy to a human is need for an Irken body to function. The Irken body maintains such a high metabolism, that every bit of food taken into the body is entirely…" Zim paused for a word, "…assimilated; therefore there is no waste because anything that is left over after digestion is sent to the PAK as power, as I said before. We can eat nearly anything because of the highly acidic fluid in the portion of the Squeedilyspooch that is used to digest food; one of the only exceptions are some of the spices used to season… MEAT."

"Your heart?"

"Serves the same purpose as a humans or animals; its purpose is blood circulation."

"Okay, then. Let me think…" Dib said. Zim held back a groan. Though he found the questions less of a hassle now, he still feared what Dib might ask. "Got it! Okay, so how do you repopulate?"

"Artificially," Zim said automatically. Seeing it wasn't in depth enough he continued. "We're known as Smeets when we come out of the tubes that grow baby Irkens underground Irk, in facilities we call Hatcheries. What we call Control Brains are used to regulate the DNA that's used to clone young Irkens, ensuring that the mixes taken from a number of host Irkens are completely random so each Smeet is different. Only a few seconds after being freed from the cloning tube, and a Smeet will receive its own PAK, which activates them thanks to a shock from a robotic arm. Said young Irkens are able to speak and move properly. Basically this means we didn't need parental care before we started cloning. Around two minutes after a Smeet's activation, they're guided to a room where all Irken knowledge is downloaded into their PAKs by the Control Brains. This doesn't involve military training and tactics. We spend the next ten years of our lives, and the remaining five years of our Smeethood learning these assets in special facilities. Once we reach five years of age, we're considered adults. But this doesn't mean we're done growing, just like how you humans keep growing after you are considered an adult if I'm informed correctly. It takes about ten years for an Irken to reach their full height. But your lack of gravity compared to Irks has caused me to grow more despite my age."

"You're… a clone?" Dib asked. Before Zim could confirm it Dib started u again. "All Irkens are clones? What, does no one have… sex there?"

Dib blushed deeply and Zim just looked at him. "What's… sex?" Zim asked. Dib's mouth fell open.

"Seriously? You're being serious right now?" he asked.

"Zim is always serious."

Dib smacked himself in the face. "Good LORD, Zim! NATURAL reproduction! That's what sex is!"

"Oh. Irkens are forbidden to do anything concerning that. We are only to be loyal to our Tallest. We're to have no loyalty to anyone or anything other than the Tallest and the Irken Empire."

"Why?" Dib asked. "Not to be rude or anything, but c'mon!"

"There are good reasons! It distracts us," Zim said. "But… there is something in the history about it as well. Though, I'm not telling you anything historical about Irk."

"What? Why? You've learned a lot about Earth's history thanks to school; I should know at least this!" Dib argued.

"…Fine," Zim agreed. "But only this. The law was put in action to ensure that loyalty to the Tallest was never put at risk. An Irkens first devotion should be towards the emperor, or emperors. Since the Irken parental instincts were too strong to overcome, the only way to prevent them was to stop them at the beginning and prevent them from taking root at all. Thus, DNA from every Irken is taken in a census and put into the data base to be mixed and make the DNA for Smeets. The Control Brains are the only ones allowed to use the system or even operate it. They ensure that no Smeet is the same DNA wise. And the DNA code of every Irken is recorded so it's never used again. No Irken has had.. any form of.. natural reproduction since the law was passed and the cloning process perfected."

"So do you even have the organs for it anymore?"

"I don't believe so. Since we don't produce waste anymore, the organs for that and reproduction were removed in the generation after that aspect of the PAK was perfected."

"…Are you sure there isn't ANY natural life left on Irk?" Dib asked.

"I have heard rumors of small, uncorrupted plots being rewarded to worthy Irken soldiers that have significantly contributed to the Irken Empire. But they are only seen by those they are given to."

"What's the weather like on Irk?" Dib asked. It was the only question he could come up with to keep an awkward silence from ensuing and he had to admit to himself it was still just as lame as if he was asking what the current weather was like.

"We have very harsh winters due to the distance from our sun and slow orbit. Irken winters are known to be extremely brutal. But the very hot Irken core body temperature and natural anti-freeze allows us to survive. In fact, the mild summers on Irk are known similarly as… what do you call them… cold snaps here on Earth."

"And that's a MILD summer. Wow. Okay, then, how hot IS your core body temperature?"

"What's a humans?"

"Below 100 degrees. If a human hits 100 or over we're considered sick and have a fever."

"An Irkens body temperature is usually over 100 degrees. The average, I believe, is 106."

"Wow! That's really warm, Zim."

"I'm aware, Dib-stink."

"So.. what's a Control Brain do?" Dib asked, completely disregarding any insult Zim gives him now.

"They are very important. On most, if not all Irk planets, there are five. The main three, which were also the originals, are known as the Triumvirate. They're on the Irken planet Judgementia. The five on every planet each have the memories of every Irken since the artificial PAK was introduced. The Triumvirate are the collective consciousness of all the Tallests. They're mostly in charge of encoding PAKs and informational imprint of Smeets. On rare occasions, they oversee court cases and are the judges and jury. I was one of those cas- Why am I telling you this? That wasn't even a question on Irken biology!" Zim raged. Dib leaned back, pushing the chair away from Zim.

"Sorry! Sorry! Not my fault you decided to answer me, sheesh," Dib grumbled. Zim growled, his antennae flat against his head. Dib tapped a finger on the chair and saw the one closest to him twitch. He didn't know why, but the antennae were his favorite feature of the aliens.

"…You're finally done asking?" Zim questioned. Dib spun in the chair.

"Well…. No. I have a lot more to ask, but…"

Zim looked up at him expectantly. Dib swiveled in the chair again. He turned the recorder off and left the chair toward the elevator. "I'll just come back later."

Zim watched him leave through the elevator and turned back around in the seat, his antennae slightly less flattened.

**Okay. So, i'mma just leave it here for now. Dunno if I'll continue it, not sure where it could go, haha. It ain't no drabble anymore, though xD**


	4. Part 3: Bullies

**OKAY. So I'm done with the Irken biology, had my fun with it. :3 Now, I want to start on personal matters, hahahaha! :D I warn you now, there is violence in this chapter. But it's not bad. And let's be honest. I could make it BAD, but I won't xD**

Dib sat in class as the last of the students left. After the awkward end to their conversation the day before, Dib didn't think Zim would appreciate anymore questions concerning Irk. As he left the classroom, he saw Zim slammed into one of the lockers as Chunk and his small rally of bullies sauntered off, laughing. Dib walked over and lifted Zim up.

"What was that?" he asked.

"What?"

"THAT. Chunk bullying you. Why don't you beat them like you used to beat me? You're a good fighter, Zim, you could get them to back off."

"That wouldn't be NORMAL. Someone as thin as me beating someone as grotesquely large as Chunk."

"But you could?" Dib asked. _'I can't seem to stop asking things,'_ he thought. Zim brushed off his shirt and shrugged.

"I could do damage, of course," he said. Zim started off to the back of the school, wanting to avoid the mass of kids that were inevitably still at the front. Dib took one last take of the locker Zim had been pushed into and saw a small dent made by his pak.

"Least your life support is sturdy," he commented. Zim gave him a grumbled response. "Hey, Zim."

"Yes, Earth monkey?"

"Can you promise me something?" Dib asked. Zim stopped at the doors and turned to give Dib a confused expression.

"What is it?" he asked. Dib shuffled his feet before answering.

"Actually defend yourself next time, okay?" he asked. Zim seemed to think it over. Dib knew it was mostly over whether it would risk his cover being blown or not; and gave Zim his full attention when the Irken seemed to come to a conclusion for his answer.

"No promise said human will end up un-harmed," Zim said. As Dib was about to object Zim continued. "I will give them a warning first."

"Fine, but try to not maim them, alright?" Dib negotiated. Zim gave him a muffled response, but he took it as an agreement.

"Do you have any inquiries today, Earth pig?" Zim asked. The constant insults were enough to tell Dib clearly that Zim was still sore about the day before. But he couldn't reason why he would be.

"Well, yeah. Do Irkens do other things, or are all of you invaders?" Dib asked. Zim's cackle as they made their way closer to the turn off where they'd separate made Dib feel as if he had just asked a question stupid even for him.

"All invaders! You make Zim laugh, Dib-stink! Of course we are all not invaders! For any other job that needs to be filled; technician, mechanic, weapons expert, food service, whatever the job may be an Irken is sent to fulfill it. Of course when their usefulness is completed for the job they are shipped to another so that productivity isn't wasted," Zim answered in an amused voice. Dib paused at the splitting intersection of sidewalk. Zim walked a few paces before turning to him. "Why have you stopped?"

"I go the other way to go home."

"No, you are following Zim home today. I know you have more to ask, and Zim would prefer you ask now instead of later and annoy Zim more than is needed," Zim spat. Dib smiled at the insult hidden invitation and jogged up to Zim, who started walking again when it was clear to him Dib was coming.

~(*)~

Dib yawned as he stretched that morning. He lazily got out of bed, slipping on his glasses. The afternoon before he had asked Zim about more history from his planet, but the stubborn Irken had refused each request and therefore Dib was stuck with asking about the technology in his labs. Which he didn't mind; it was a joy to learn as much as he was. Dib saw his computer sitting on his desk and debated sleepily if he should add his own thoughts to the informational Word document that so far contained only the information Zim had told them. When he had come back the night before, he had stayed up considerably late writing down everything to do with the Irken technology.

Dib yawned and stretched again, finally getting ready and heading down the staircase, laptop in back pack so he could simply type out what Zim told him that day at lunch instead of trying to remember or record it all for later.

"Why are you up so late?" Gaz asked, taking the ear bud out of her ear to hear his answer.

"Was up late last night," Dib said, grabbing some bread as Gaz headed for the door.

When at the school, Gaz broke away to go to the lower grades section and Dib kept walking to the other side of the school, where a door led straight into the hi skool section. As he was about to open the door, he heard shouts from inside. Dib raised an eyebrow and pushed the door open.

"Oh, hell," he mumbled. Chunk was calling Zim out as it seemed, and a small crowd of students were surrounding them. They parted to let Dib through, giving him faces as he pushed his way past.

"Watch it!" one girl spat. Dib ignored her and any others who shouted at him as he reached the edge of the ring and saw Zim glaring down Chunk.

"What's the matter, Green-skin?" Chunk asked. Dib inwardly sighed at the unimaginative insult. He was just as bad as Zim. Speaking of, Dib took a good look at Zim. Something few of the other students seemed to be doing. His glare could actually kill and his stance just screamed to Dib that his antennae were flat against his skull already. "C'mon! I'll even give you the first punch."

As Chunk leaned down to mock Zim more, Dib saw the glint in Zim's eyes and started forward to stop him. But started too late. Zim reached his hand back and grabbed Chunk by the throat. The big jock gasped in surprise; but the students kept shouting for a fight. Zim pulled him in close. Dib could barely hear the threat he uttered, now only a foot or so away.

"Push me anymore, filth monkey, and I will make you regret this day. If you live the next time you cross me," Zim hissed. He released Chunk's throat, almost cutting it through his gloves. As Chunk spluttered to breath correctly again, Zim pushed past the students who now parted to let him through.

Dib stood stock still, watching Zim stomp away. He took a step after him, knowing that he was fuming, and would likely attack the next person to rub him the wrong way. A hand grabbed his ankle and Dib looked down at Chunk. "W-what? Let go, Chunk."

"If I can't beat him up for embarrassing me, then I sure as hell will beat the snot out of you," Chunk said. He dragged Dib to the floor; the students shouting for a fight again. Dib heard the slight shake in their voices, but focused on the fist Chunk was hitting him with.

Zim halted in the hall. His antennae twitched under his wig. He heard Chunks threat and rage built up inside of him. He swiftly turned around and pinpointed Dib though the mass of bodies the students created a wall from. Through a short time opening, he saw Dib and made eye contact before marching back toward Chunk.

"No, Zim!" Dib shouted. It was too late. Zim walked up to Chunk, who was glaring at him while still holding Dib down. Just as Zim was lifting his fist, Chunk released Dib, letting him drop to the floor as he raised his own fist.

Zim's hit first. Chunk was sent flying down the hall, students barely able to get out of the way in time. Dib stared as Chunk landed with a thud on the floor. Out cold. "I-I-I didn't know you were…"

"Get up," Zim ordered. Dib scrambled to his feet as Chunks thugs ran down the hall, pulling Chunk behind them. Zim started walking the opposite direction and Dib wobbled after him.

"You went easy on me!" he shouted to him once they had left earshot of the students, who had seemed to freeze at Zim's punch.

"You never stop asking questions do you?" Zim asked. Though Dib couldn't see, he knew by Zim's face that his antennae were trying to move forward. He took several steps to the side, safely out of arms length. But knew Zim's agility was enough to render him still vulnerable. He prayed they had made up enough of a friendship that he'd simply turn and punch a locker instead of him.

"Zim, you can calm down, I'm fine," Dib assured.

"…I know," Zim said. Dib looked over and saw that Zim's stature was more relaxed and his wig had fallen back into place; meaning his antennae weren't up anymore, but possibly flat against his skull still.

Dib tried to think of a question to calm the alien down as they made their way to their first class. "Um…so did it feel good to finally hand it to Chunk?"

It had been the first question to pop into his head, and Dib thanked his brain as he saw the smirk on Zim's face and see his shoulders relax. "Hmph. Yes, it was."

**Soooo not as many questions in this one xD Meant for there to be SOME concerning Zim and his patience with people, but it just sorta… got out of that xDD I can't stop when I start, oh geez. Reviews are always appreciated.**


	5. Part 4: Lunch Aftermath

**ALRIGHT. I'm gonna try my best to actually get some questions in for this chapter xD (I was updating these things fast, wth, me?)**

Dib sat waiting patiently at the lunch table as Zim got his plate of food that he never ate. '_Why does he bother?_' Dib wondered. He saved the question as a possibility to ask later on. When Zim sat down, he eyed the laptop Dib had set up on the table with a questioning glance.

"Why does the Dib-stink have a computer device at lunch?" Zim asked, starting to mess with the food as usual. Dib took a bite of his apple.

"So I don't have to remember everything said when I ask you questions. This is so I can just type it out on the spot."

"It won't work."

"Why not?"

"You can't type as fast as you talk, I know this already. It is simpler if you record the conversation, and then type it out at a later time," Zim explained, as if Dib should've already known the fact. Dib sighed and shut the laptop, slipping it back into his back pack and taking out the recorder.

"You know a lot of the students haven't stopped looking at you since you punched Chunk?" Dib asked. Zim took a quick sweep of the cafeteria and saw nearly half the room's heads turn sharply around to try and not get caught.

"I am aware. I can hear them as well," Zim confessed.

"Really? I can't hear what they're saying. Just the normal talking in this loud place," Dib said. Zim looked up at him as if he was an idiot. "Right. Your hearing. What are they saying?"

"Hold on. … 'He could've killed him', 'How do you know he didn't', 'He was weird before, but now he's even scarier'. Hmm, I rather like that comment. I put fear into them now."

"That's not necessarily a good thing, Zim."

".. They are also acknowledging that we 'are friends now since you are sitting with me and we aren't trying to beat each other to a bloody pulp'," Zim recited.

"Who said that?" Dib asked, setting up the specifics for his recorder.

"Farthest table to the right," Zim said. Dib looked from the corner of his eye. Zim clarified for him. "The cheerleaders, I believe. One just switched the conversation to their practice."

"You can hear them all the way over there?!" Dib asked. Zim nodded nonchalantly as if it was nothing special. Dib sighed, it may have not been anything special to the Irken, but it was definitely something special to him.

"So, can I ask more questions, or are you sick of it yet?" he asked, hoping it wouldn't end up the latter.

"Ask away, human, they are starting to entertain me now," Zim admitted. He pushed away the food and rested his head in his palms. Dib smiled and put the recorder in the side of his jack, positioned so that it would pick up the conversation, but not be too noticeable.

"Great! Well, I did have other questions, but for now I'm more interested in how you had always put up with the bullies before I asked you fight back."

"Zim's patience is slim, but the importance of keeping my identity a secret helped the tolerance. Although Zim admits he has planned numerous ways of killing and disposing of the cretins," Zim said. Dib pursed his lips and looked to the side for a moment.

"Oh. Well, I'm sure your way of dealing with them is not only more possible than my ways, but a lot deadlier," Dib stated. Zim smirked, giving Dib his answer without having to say a word. "Uh huh."

"Zim suggests you begin to ask another question before the thought of them angers him again," Zim said. Dib straightened his back.

"Okay, then. Those teeth of yours. If Irkens don't eat because of your PAKS, then why do you still have those… zipper teeth? I assume they're sharp?"

"Yes, they are quite sharp," Zim said proudly. "Irkens used to be carnivorous, before our PAKs enabled us to survive without food. We have yet to evolve without growing the teeth; of course they still hold a purpose. They are very useful in battle."

"Uh-huh. Well what about your tongue? I noticed it's serpentine, but also segmented."

"Zim does not care for why it is segmented, so I won't bother looking that bit of information up," he said. Dib's shoulders sagged. "Although, as you said before we Irkens apparently resemble reptiles to your eyes. I suppose the tongue is another factor of those genes. If Irkens did not possess this unique tongue, we could not speak our language effectively."

"What does Irken sound like, anyway?" Dib asked. "I never bothered to listen that much when you, I assume, swore at me."

"Heheh, Dib-stink is smart," Zim said. Before Dib could object to the insult and purposeful bad grammar Zim continued by speaking what Dib could only assume was several sentences in Irken. Dib sat dumbfounded at the nonsense that was so foreign to his ears. All he was clearly able to pick up were some sounds, and that most of them seemed similar to S's and T's and perhaps a C stuck in there somewhere. …And their names.

"What?" he asked, suspecting it had been a long insult.

"I simply stated that 'Irken is hard to learn for other species, and that you, Dib-stink would not be able to speak it if you tried. Even if you happened to get me to try and teach it to you, Zim would not very much like it for I do not feel like hearing my native tongue SLAUGHTERED by your incompetence'. That is what I said."

"I knew it was some form of an insult when I heard my name," Dib complained. "Well, I'll just have to prove you wrong one day."

Zim scoffed at the notion. "Zim would actually enjoy the numerous failures you are bound to endure in that little endeavor of yours."

Dib glared at him for a moment before deciding to continue on to the next question he had. "Whatever, you'll teach me eventually. So, do Irkens at least know what a kiss is?"

"That term is not in our vocabulary, we perhaps call it something else. Describe it," Zim demanded. Dib sighed.

"Well.. it's a show of affection-" the bell to end lunch cut Dib off and he looked as everyone started to leave. "I'll tell you later, want to come to my house after school this time? Gaz has a club meeting after school for that video game she's obsessed with, so we'd at least get an hour or two of peace."

"Gir would annoy us most of the time, so yes," Zim said, getting up to leave.

~(*)~

"Finally here," Dib stated, letting his bag drop by the door and making his way to his room. "I think this is the first time you've been here and NOT snuck in."

"You are correct," Zim said. When they had reached Dib's room Zim stood by the bed as Dib fell onto it.

"I still ache from Chunk's beating," he mumbled. Zim looked to the side, waiting. "Oh, right. Well, anyway, a kiss is a show of affection humans use to… well.. show affection. To show we like the other."

"What is the point of that, can you not just say your feelings?" Zim asked, confused.

"It's more complicated than that," Dib stated. "Saying it isn't enough for us. Humans like to physically show that we like one another. That's another reason we have.. natural reproduction, I guess."

"What does this… kiss, look like?" Zim asked. Dib gave him a look.

"I'm not showing you!"

"It is a simple enough question, Dib-stink. Zim does not show affection, he merely does not know what this.. kiss is."

"It's basically two people putting their lips together. It can be for a moment, or for a while. Lip moving is optional if you want to show a lot more affection than usual. I explained it to you, but there is no way I'm actually gonna show you."

"Zim understands enough, Dib-stink. Irkens do not do this action. There is no need since we are forbidden to show any affection toward one another."

"Then why did I have to explain it to you?!"

"Zim saw that it made the Dib-stink uncomfortable," Zim said, smirking.

"You're an ass," Dib whispered.

"Whispering does no good, Earth-monkey," Zim stated, taking his wig off and shutting the door. Dib watched him take the contacts out as well and saw mechanical arms take them and store the disguise in his PAK. He sat at the end of Dib's bed, shoving his legs behind him.

**Like I said, just ZADF. Sorry to any ZADR fans reading this and getting THAT thrown at them xD I just figured Zim would ask something like that since I assume Irkens never kiss either, haha. Gonna leave it off like that, it was getting long. but don't worry, I'll continue it where it left off.**


	6. Part 5: Switch

**LOOK! AN UPDATE! xD Sorry for being so dead, school started and they gave us homework right off the bat :T I haven't been able to write much. But after getting back from Chicago today, I sat down after a nap and got to work on this since it was already started on. Enjoy! (I'm working on the ZAGR and ZADR ones, too, but it's slow xD)**

**Part 5: Switch**

"Coulda just asked me to move them," Dib said, crossing his legs. "So now that you've had your fun HUMILIATING me, how about this: I ask some dumb questions that annoy you?"

"No," Zim said off the bat. Dib glared at him.

"Gee, thanks," he grumbled. "Then I'll just ask what comes to mind. What's your favorite color?"

"…Zim assumes you mean the pigments things are. Zim's favorite would have to be what you call blue."

"That's my favorite, too," Dib commented. He looked to the ceiling, seeing the glow in the dark stars and ships he had stuck up there as a kid and hoped Zim didn't look up himself. "Uh… Why do you assume you were sent here as a banishment?"

"Next."

"Next? You can't say next, Zim."

"You never made that part of the rules."

"What rules?!"

"Exactly."

Dib grumbled angrily to himself as he tried to think of another question that he could as without anything back lashing on him. "Oh. When is an Invader's term of duty up?"

"Up?" Zim asked.

"Over," Dib specified. "When is an Irken soldiers term of duty over?"

"Usually after they've been sent out for a certain amount of invasions, or when they die. Usually an Irken will serve until told to retire, we are very loyal to our leaders."

"Are you still loyal to them after what they did?" Dib asked automatically. He saw Zim's shoulders stiffen and pondered quickly whether he'd be able to grab the pillow beneath his head fast enough before Zim could attack him. As he was about to grab it, Zim seemed to relax.

"I am not the first Irken invader to be banished, Dib-stink. I resent that they would do such a thing to such an obviously BRILLIANT invader, but I digress. I am still loyal to them, whether or not I take their orders as eagerly; if at all. They have not contacted Zim in some time, and I have not made any effort to contact them either unless for more supplies."

"If they didn't want you, why are they still sending supplies?"

"They know it is prob'ly all that is keeping me from calling them personally."

Dib noticed Zim's tone of voice was kept even. He looked back at his ceiling for a moment. "Um…."

"Zim wishes to ask his own questions now," Zim stated. Dib looked at him confused for a moment.

"Uh.. okay, I guess."

"What was this filth planet like before you humans made these disgusting cities? Irken cities are much cleaner," Zim added. Dib ignored the double insult.

"Mostly like the parks. Lots of trees, grass, hills, and open land. There were a lot more animals and a lot less pollution," Dib explained. "Of course, there are a lot of people fighting to keep it clean as it is, and clean it up more."

"I see. What about your glasses. What purpose do they serve? All Zim has seen with a human wearing them is a reason to bully," Zim said, taking the glasses off Dib's face. "Or if the human is old and near death. Does it keep you humans alive somehow?"

"Hey, I need those!" Dib said, reaching to take them back. Zim easily held him back with one arm as he examined them. "And no, that's just stupid."

"Then what is their use? No Irken needs these on their face unless it is to protect from debris or sparks when working. Or aiming," Zim said.

"To see! Not all humans have perfect vision, so glasses help with that," Dib explained, snatching them back and placing them back on this face. "Sometimes the eyes get worse and the prescription changes to a higher number to help the person see as if they didn't need glasses."

"That seems important enough," Zim reasoned. "But some other human inventions are very primitive and Zim sees no need for them."

"Like what?" Dib asked.

"Those INFERNAL contraptions you humans call "lawn mowers", GUH! They irritate and harm Zim's superior hearing!" Zim complained.

"Hahaha! They're for cutting down the grass. People believe that a well kept lawn is better looking and therefore we use a lawn mower to keep the grass at an even level. They're just load because they're engines are like a modern car's."

"Why care about the grass?! It's not needed. Irkens have no grass on any of our conquered planets, it is a nuisance."

"No it's not. It helps produce oxygen. Which humans happen to need to survive. And it feels nice to walk in barefoot. Also it's softer to fall on than concrete or meta," Dib explained.

"I only see the oxygen as any reason for its existence," Zim stated. "What of this paper you use so often?"

"Writing, drawing, projects, business, packaging. It's got a lot of uses, but people are going way more digital nowadays. Mostly because it's cooler and fun, but a lot of people do it because it's cutting down less trees; which are what we get it from."

"Far better," Zim commented. "And the bullies. You tolerate them, but never fight back. Why?"

"I don't see any need to fight more than necessary and just cause a bigger scene. I'm only stuck there for another year or two, so I'll be rid of them eventually."

"You're a fool."

"Excuse me?"

"You have enough muscle mass to at least cause a bruise if you tried. Your sister has less trouble, than you because she intimidates them. Something you should've tried a long time ago. At least Zim has a valid reason for tolerating them. I cannot risk any human other you and Gaz finding out I am not human. I cannot guarantee that I will not kill one of them if I do not control my temper."

"Change the subject or I'll ask another embarrassing question," Dib threatened. Zim smirked and pulled his legs up onto the bed, turning to face his entire body toward Dib.

"Since you insist so rudely… I'll just ask about your own biology since you asked so much about my own."

**I have a lot of questions lined up, and I actually blew through a lot in this part xD If anyone has a suggestion, give it! :D**


	7. Part 6: Curiosity of an Alien

**I just wrote this. Just now. I had a whim to start part 6... and it's under a 1,000 words, too. That's my minimum of words for chapters usually, idk what's up with me lately :/ Might be my stomach bothering me... but the meds are working, I think. (that was completely unrelated, haha)**

**ANYWAY. Enjoy this chapter (b/c is was just written out in like an hour xD)**

PART 6: Curiosity of an Alien

"..WHAT? No."

"Yes."

"NO."

"Zim promises not to ask anything concerning what he believes relates to human reproduction."

"…Fine."

"Good. Now, why do humans have so many organs? Irkens don't have nearly as many and function just fine."

"Irkens have the PAK. Each organ performs its own function. The stomach, intestines, and throat help us eat. The throat also leads to the lungs, which we breath with. The heart is a given, and so is the brain. Other organs like the liver and kidneys keep the body from being too toxic, but only to a limit. You should know what the bladder does."

"I see. You're very complicated, no wonder you're always being abducted."

"Thanks," Dib answered sarcastically, setting his glasses on his bedside table.

"Why do you have five fingers? How can you manage that many at once, it is very strange."

"To you it's as strange as it is for me to think about having just three fingers. Some people have lost a digit, that's another word for a finger or toe, so they understand better than I do. It's just a subconscious thing."

"You have the same number of toes as well, what purpose does that serve? They are not nearly as helpful in climbing as your hands appear to be."

"We got that from our relatives: monkeys. C'mon, Zim, that's basic knowledge even you should've known."

"Zim was merely confirming."

"I bet."

"..Next question. Zim has noticed your hearing and eyesight is also inferior to an Irken, as is obvious. Why have you not invented something to better that?"

"Well, the military has that technology. They use it for spying and missions, so the public isn't allowed access."

"That seems very selfish."

"Yeah, it is."

"Why are most of your teeth flat like a plant-eater's and not sharp?"

"That didn't sound insulting at all. We're omnivores; meaning we eat plants and meat equally. Well, you know we ate meat. Anyway, we have fang teeth."

"Yes, yes, Zim knew this."

"Well, why do Irkens have teeth that are sharp? You don't eat meat, you eat what's basically considered junk food."

"Evolution, Dib-stink. We modify the DNA to keep our teeth from becoming dull."

"Why do they connect like a zipper?"

"What?" Zim asked, almost sounding offended.

"No offense intended. I just noticed they sorta connected like that," Dib explained, grabbing a zip up sweater and demonstrating.

"Ah. Well, to be truthful, Zim never bothered to learn that answer. I see no need in it."

"That's lame."

"My turn," Zim said bluntly. "Why do you reproduce naturally when cloning is clearly superior and faster?"

"You said no questions like that!"

"Zim stated he would not ask any concerning the reproductive organs. This is pertaining to the process in general."

"Ugh… fine. We haven't gotten the hang of cloning yet. And there's a lot of controversy on the matter of cloning a person."

"Zim does not understand."

"Rrrr… it has to do with the clone turning out to be a real person, whether or not they'd have a soul, whether or not they'd have rights, stuff like that. I don't like getting involved with that kind of stuff anyway, so I just keep out of it altogether."

"It sounds frustrating enough," Zim agreed. He had relaxed enough that he leaned down on the bed. The sound of the house door opening and slamming shut introduced Gaz entering. As she came up the stairs, Zim calmly went behind Dib's door as she pushed it open and saw him on the bed.

"You're still on the bed? Did you fall asleep or something?" she asked.

"No."

"..Whatever. As long as I can finally watch what I want to," Gaz said, shutting the door behind her. After she had gone back down the stairs, Zim sat on the bed again.

"Why did you hide?" Dib asked with a chuckle. Zim glared at him.

"I did not wish to deal with her," he explained.

"Okay, then. Go on to whatever else you wanted to ask," Dib said. Zim pondered it for a moment.

"Hmm… try and explain why there are so many religions on this planet. Zim does not understand the need for so many."

"Oh boy…"


	8. Part 7: Religion

**Well, this got finished fast, didn't it? :D Anyway, I am sorely running out of questions . So if any of you have an offer, I'd be glad to take them! I had way too much fun writing this. I actually used a fake religion from the culture of an alien race I created (it was the dumped species of my first alien OC, but I decided to revamp it recently :3) but didn't use all the details. So I hope you also enjoy that!**

PART 7: Religions

"What is wrong with the question?" Zim asked.

"Religion can be a… uh… hard thing to discuss usually. They sort of just… id don't know sprung up. Depending on what region you were in depended on the religion you followed at first. Christianity is the most common as of now. But there are A LOT more. You'd have to read several books on them all to understand each one, and I don't know enough to try and explain them all."

"Why is it so important to you humans?"

"It just is. I'm not debating this with you, Zim."

"Why?"

"Why? Haven't you ever seen even ONE thing on the news about a religious dispute? Or even heard about any? They get nasty. A lot of wars in human history were started over religion. We've gotten better, but we're still pretty dull-minded about just respecting that someone is from a different religion if you ask me."

"Zim is."

"Then I just answered another question."

"…Zim will research on his own if he is still curious then."

"Do Irkens have a religion?" Dib asked suddenly. Zim gave him an odd look.

"Of course. What doesn't?"

Dib raised his hand. Zim gave him a confused look. "We call not believing in, or having a religion, atheism."

"Ah. Well, to most other alien societies that can be argued as a form of belief and therefore religion. But on to your question… Irkens do have a… what is the Earth term… "God"?"

"That's the one."

"Yes, well, we do indeed have our own "god" that we worship. We do not focus on it publically, is all."

"Is that why I've never seen you even make a motion to a higher being than your Tallest? You don't publicize it?"

"Exactly. It can be insulting to flaunt your belief into another's face. It caused unnecessary wars, so it was made law that we shouldn't flaunt it, but instead keep it to our own Irkens and ourselves. It has worked wonderfully, but resulted in most races believing we are "atheist" as you put it."

"I can see why. If you never even mention it, how is someone supposed to think that you do have a god?"

"I just figure it does not matter to them. It does not affect their lives in the least."

"True. Want to elaborate on it for me?"

"No."

"Why not?" Dib asked sadly.

"That would be flaunting it. It is against my laws to flaunt it around."

"But I actually want to know," Dib stated flatly, feeling slightly offended at this point. Zim raised an antennae skeptically.

"…Very well. Zim supposes he can make an exception this once. We worship a single god that can detach into several others at will and still retain its original form."

"…WHAT?"

"…It can… uh…" Zim started speaking with his hands, trying to find the right human words to describe the process. Dib smiled at the comical motions. "…Zim is lost on words."

"Keep trying, I got time," Dib said coolly. Zim gave him a short glare.

"It can… I suppose the closest to it would be it has "children" that it controls. Some are for elemental purposes before Irk was all metal such as the ocean's behavior, the weather, the sun's heat, and the seasons. Others explained such things as "envy", "love", and "greed"… a similar example would be Hinduism.. Zim believes that is the one with the thousands of gods."

"Heck if I know, I could never tell the two apart."

"Zim does not know what you mean by that. Nevertheless, it-"

"Why do you keep calling him, an "it"?"

"…Because there is no set gender."

"..Oh."

"That should have been obvious enough for you, Dib-stink," Zim stated. Before Dib could retort, Zim went on. "We have holidays surrounding it, and a set day for worship. Of course, not everyone will remember to worship that day if they are busy, so there is a second accepted day. If you miss both then you must worship for three days in a row without interference."

"That's.. really specific."

"It is not to me."

"You're used to it," Dib stated flatly. "What about the possibility that they can't worship for a long time; like if they were in the hospital or something?"

"Then they are pardoned for the missed days of worship," Zim stated matter-of-factly. "I would assume that was clear enough."

"Then let me just changed subject a little. I don't understand how it can become multiple gods and still be one," Dib stated.

"Zim told you, it is similar to it having children in a way."

"Dib! Get off the computer with your weirdo eyeball friends or turn it down, I can't hear the damn TV!" Gaz shouted. Right after the volume went up. Zim set a hand on his antennae in irritation to block out the heightened noise.

"Sorry about her," Dib apologized.

"Why do you apologize for her? She is capable of doing the act herself."

"I just feel like I have to."

"Well stop, it is aggravating and shows weakness," Zim stated stubbornly. He set his wig back on his head. "..Better."

"…Okay, so you have a religion… how about belief in myths?"

"Irkens do not believe in myths-"

"What? You believed everyone was a monster on Halloween last year! Some of those costumes weren't even good."

"Silence!" Zim shouted.

"Shut up, she'll hear you, you dumba–"

"DIB!"

"Sorry!"

"Do not apologize to her, either."

"Zim, it's hard to break old habits."

"…True.." Zim seemed to consider something and then stood, re-disguising himself. "I have to go."

"What? Why?"

"The computer is requesting I return, Gir is giving him a hard time, and I have the waffles," Zim stated, exiting through the window above Dib's bed. Dib looked out the glass after Zim and noticed that it had gotten very dark.

"In that case, just come back tomorrow," Dib shouted after him. "…But leave Gir behind!"


End file.
